My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe

by: tremayne

Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 09:03


In the fall of 2001 I picked up a penny and since that time we have not had a major terrorist attack in the United States. My magic penny is the reason. I know this because I did not have the magic penny on Sept. 11, 2001 and that was a very bad day. But since then we have been safe so the most logical conclusion is my magic penny.

My magic penny also wards off Weapons of Mass Destruction. We have not been hit by WMD since I found my special penny. The penny is so powerful, in fact, it makes it hard to even find WMD which we know must be around.  I'm not sure exactly how it works but I think my magic penny scares the crap out of those who would harm us and gets them to rat out their friends. 

The last time I had a magic penny was the period from spring of 1993 to the summer of 2001 when I lost it. That penny had specific powers, it protected the World Trade Center. Too bad I lost it. My bad.

But fortunately I have a new magic penny. And it's hard at work keeping us safe. Hopefully, if my magic penny ever wears out, it will first teach a new magic penny to keep us safe.

 

tremayne :: My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe

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Thanks (0.00 / 0)
The "Bush has kept us safe" line drives me totally nuts.
"Oh yeah, he really kept us safe on 9/11".
"But since then, he has kept us safe!"

Now I have an alternate response besides sputtering in disbelief.


Thanks, but no thanks (0.00 / 0)
Your magic penny has done a crappy job. It missed the anthrax mailings, the Washington sniper (which everyone was calling terrorism until it turns out it was domestic terrorism) and numerous terrorist bombings in places like London, Madrid, Jakarta and Bali.

Conduct your own interview of Sarah Palin!

I found my penny in October 2001 (4.00 / 3)
You can't blame the anthrax thing on my penny. That's not fair to my penny.

[ Parent ]
and (4.00 / 1)
and my penny only works to protect the U.S. It has no concern for what happens in other countries.

[ Parent ]
where was your penny (0.00 / 0)
when Katrina ripped New Orleans apart?

Or was it a local penny's fault?


[ Parent ]
hey (0.00 / 0)
no penny could possibly see that big storm coming!

[ Parent ]
Good penny! (0.00 / 0)
And I've not had a gout attack since you found your penny although it's not doing so well with the colour of my beard!

Kind of Like Lisa's Tiger Rock (0.00 / 0)
Homer: Not a bear in sight.  The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

This is bullshit (4.00 / 4)
It is MY magic penny keeping us safe. Your penny is a fraud.  

LIAR! (0.00 / 0)
It is so not your magic penny, it's my magic rabbit's foot that has kept us safe. Why do you tell lies? Why do you hate America?

[ Parent ]
Your rabbit's foot pals around with terrorists (0.00 / 0)
and while we're at it let's see that bunny's birth certificate. Can you prove that foot didn't belong to a rabbit that was actually born overseas?  

[ Parent ]
You know, HITLER had a penny, too... (4.00 / 1)


Shamans protect (0.00 / 0)
If your belief in a Magick Penny is the delusion needed to keep you safe then so be it.

Too bad it didn't work to head-off hurricanes or financial collapse....


"It sounds wrong...
     ...but its right."


Protecting us from Polar Bears (4.00 / 1)
I once had a dog whose sole mission in life was to protect my family in Idaho from polar bear attacks. She did a wonderful job for 14 years until her death and I have lived in fear everyday since.  

...and from elephants (0.00 / 0)
Our cat keeps the elephants away when we're not home. So far, not one elephant attack in all these years.

They do good work, these domesticated protectors.

Karl in Drexel Hill, PA


[ Parent ]
Somalia Pirates save World! (4.00 / 3)
And in other news, the Somalian Pirates are saving the world from global warming.  As we all know, it was cool pirates keeping the temperature down and the lack of pirates that caused global warming.  No More!

Yea pirates!



this makes perfect sense to me (0.00 / 0)
a reduction in pirates cleared the shipping lanes and made it easier to ship coal, oil, etc, which in turn encouraged the use and refinement or more fossil fuels which put more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and cooled the planet.

Bring back the pirates! Or Greenpeace. Whatever.


[ Parent ]
errr, warmed the planet (0.00 / 0)


[ Parent ]
I have a magic nickel (0.00 / 0)
It is five times stronger than your magic penny.  Vote for TValley in 2012!

Before I vote for you, clarify your handle (0.00 / 0)
is it: TV - alley

or T Valley?

Magick Dimes are more efficient, BTW.


"It sounds wrong...
     ...but its right."


[ Parent ]
Magic Dimes are Socialism (0.00 / 0)
And my handle's on a need-to-know basis.

[ Parent ]
And all this time..... (0.00 / 0)
...I had been assuming it was MY magic penny that was  keeping us safe!

Penny Power!

Penny Power!

Penny Power!


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