My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe

by: tremayne

Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 09:03

In the fall of 2001 I picked up a penny and since that time we have not had a major terrorist attack in the United States. My magic penny is the reason. I know this because I did not have the magic penny on Sept. 11, 2001 and that was a very bad day. But since then we have been safe so the most logical conclusion is my magic penny.

My magic penny also wards off Weapons of Mass Destruction. We have not been hit by WMD since I found my special penny. The penny is so powerful, in fact, it makes it hard to even find WMD which we know must be around. I'm not sure exactly how it works but I think my magic penny scares the crap out of those who would harm us and gets them to rat out their friends.

The last time I had a magic penny was the period from spring of 1993 to the summer of 2001 when I lost it. That penny had specific powers, it protected the World Trade Center. Too bad I lost it. My bad.

But fortunately I have a new magic penny. And it's hard at work keeping us safe. Hopefully, if my magic penny ever wears out, it will first teach a new magic penny to keep us safe.

tremayne :: My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe

Tags: terrorism, George Bush, Dick Cheney, (All Tags)

Print Friendly View

Send As Email

My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe | 22 comments

Thanks (0.00 / 0)

The "Bush has kept us safe" line drives me totally nuts.
"Oh yeah, he really kept us safe on 9/11".
"But since then, he has kept us safe!"

Now I have an alternate response besides sputtering in disbelief.

by: woodyNYC @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 14:15:51 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Thanks, but no thanks (0.00 / 0)

Your magic penny has done a crappy job. It missed the anthrax mailings, the Washington sniper (which everyone was calling terrorism until it turns out it was domestic terrorism) and numerous terrorist bombings in places like London, Madrid, Jakarta and Bali.

Conduct your own interview of Sarah Palin!

by: fwiffo @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 14:21:27 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

I found my penny in October 2001 (4.00 / 3)

You can't blame the anthrax thing on my penny. That's not fair to my penny.

by: tremayne @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 14:26:28 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

and (4.00 / 1)

and my penny only works to protect the U.S. It has no concern for what happens in other countries.

by: tremayne @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 15:34:59 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

where was your penny (0.00 / 0)

when Katrina ripped New Orleans apart?

Or was it a local penny's fault?

by: Jerry 101 @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 18:50:32 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

hey (0.00 / 0)

no penny could possibly see that big storm coming!

by: tremayne @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 19:01:48 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

Good penny! (0.00 / 0)

And I've not had a gout attack since you found your penny although it's not doing so well with the colour of my beard!

by: yankinlondon @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 15:08:57 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Kind of Like Lisa's Tiger Rock (0.00 / 0)

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

by: spacerock @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 15:16:20 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

This is bullshit (4.00 / 4)

It is MY magic penny keeping us safe. Your penny is a fraud.

by: Jason C. @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 15:33:49 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

LIAR! (0.00 / 0)

It is so not your magic penny, it's my magic rabbit's foot that has kept us safe. Why do you tell lies? Why do you hate America?

by: Janus303 @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:37:13 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Your rabbit's foot pals around with terrorists (0.00 / 0)

and while we're at it let's see that bunny's birth certificate. Can you prove that foot didn't belong to a rabbit that was actually born overseas?

by: Jason C. @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 23:52:20 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

You know, HITLER had a penny, too... (4.00 / 1)

by: Kagro X @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 15:56:26 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Shamans protect (0.00 / 0)

If your belief in a Magick Penny is the delusion needed to keep you safe then so be it.

Too bad it didn't work to head-off hurricanes or financial collapse....

"It sounds wrong...
...but its right."

by: SpitBall @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 16:30:39 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Protecting us from Polar Bears (4.00 / 1)

I once had a dog whose sole mission in life was to protect my family in Idaho from polar bear attacks. She did a wonderful job for 14 years until her death and I have lived in fear everyday since.

by: Nindid @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 16:36:39 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

...and from elephants (0.00 / 0)

Our cat keeps the elephants away when we're not home. So far, not one elephant attack in all these years.

They do good work, these domesticated protectors.

Karl in Drexel Hill, PA

by: KB @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 19:55:40 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Somalia Pirates save World! (4.00 / 3)

And in other news, the Somalian Pirates are saving the world from global warming. As we all know, it was cool pirates keeping the temperature down and the lack of pirates that caused global warming. No More!

Yea pirates!

by: Mark Matson @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:19:58 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

this makes perfect sense to me (0.00 / 0)

a reduction in pirates cleared the shipping lanes and made it easier to ship coal, oil, etc, which in turn encouraged the use and refinement or more fossil fuels which put more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and cooled the planet.

Bring back the pirates! Or Greenpeace. Whatever.

by: tremayne @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:57:42 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

errr, warmed the planet (0.00 / 0)

by: tremayne @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:58:38 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

I have a magic nickel (0.00 / 0)

It is five times stronger than your magic penny. Vote for TValley in 2012!

by: TValley @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:37:35 PM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Before I vote for you, clarify your handle (0.00 / 0)

is it: TV - alley

or T Valley?

Magick Dimes are more efficient, BTW.

"It sounds wrong...
...but its right."

by: SpitBall @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 17:45:52 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

Magic Dimes are Socialism (0.00 / 0)

And my handle's on a need-to-know basis.

by: TValley @ Tue Jan 13, 2009 at 18:30:37 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

And all this time..... (0.00 / 0)

...I had been assuming it was MY magic penny that was keeping us safe!

Penny Power!

by: DICKERSON3870 @ Wed Jan 14, 2009 at 06:11:51 AM UTC

by: you @ soon

To post this comment click here:

Otherwise click cancel.

My Magic Penny Keeps You Safe | 22 comments

USER MENU

New here?
Make a New Account

Have an account? Log in!

Forget your username or password?

Open Left Campaigns

QUICK HITS

Where are you going? What links have you got? Whats next? What's left? (HousesofProgress) 48 comment(s)
Nicholas Kristof: Mr. Mubarak's goons carrying wooden clubs with nails embedded in them (HousesofProgress) 6 comment(s)
Forget "Red" or "Blue" Virginia, How About "Brown" Virginia? (lowkell) 3 comment(s)
Amy Goodman interviews Noam Chomsky: Egypt now. (HousesofProgress) 1 comment(s)
An old man in tears of pride, chanting "Egyptians finally have worth & dignity."" #Tahrir (HousesofProgress) 0 comment(s)
Mubarek's net worth estimated at $40–70 billion (jeffweinberg) 7 comment(s)
How the Senate resolution on Egyptian democracy died. (Emocrat) 10 comment(s)
Kristoff tweets about the round-up of journalists Human rights workers (HousesofProgress) 1 comment(s)
tSenator Patrick Leahy: We Will Cut Off Aid If Mubarak Does Not Step Down (HousesofProgress) 9 comment(s)
The Daily Show with Kristen Schaal skewers the GOP's exclusion of only "rapish.". (LibWingofLibWing) 3 comment(s)
Wallace Shawn: Are You Smarter Than Thomas Jefferson? (Paul Rosenberg) 6 comment(s)
Gallup Helps Explain Egyptian/Tunisia Uprisings (david mizner) 2 comment(s)
Shell makes $2,208,480 (£1.6m) an hour, [Clue on gas prices] (HousesofProgress) 5 comment(s)
Food costs at record levels, likely to go higher (doubledown) 3 comment(s)
More Teachers Being Replaced By Technology (jeffbinnc) 9 comment(s)
Speek to Tweet (Mark Matson) 0 comment(s)
Virginia Moves to Extend Autism Benefits to Families (lowkell) 1 comment(s)
Howard Dean shellacks Newt Gingerich on immigration (Jonathan Smucker) 1 comment(s)
Aljazeera English has NOT been taken offline... (Paul Rosenberg) 6 comment(s)
Israeli Politics In Lockstep with McCarthyism (shergald) 3 comment(s)
(view all recent)

STATE BLOGS