McCain's Secret Plan for the "Internets" Leaked to Press

by: Living Liberally

Tue Jul 01, 2008 at 17:00

Look men, enough pussy-footing around (more pussy than footing for some of you!) The biggest problem I face is my age. And there are 2 areas where my age is clear to the public-

1) My lack of knowledge about the internets.

2) Little pieces of food stuck to my face.

Problem #2 is easy  - we hire someone to make sure my face is free of schumutz or chutzpah or whatever the Jews call it. But Problem #1 is harder. We have to prove I know my way around the intertrode. Here are some ways we can do that:

2) Can we transmit internets directly into elderly people's hearing aids?

3) Would I be able to show VCR of me on the interwebs? Keep in mind w/ Cindy's money, we could buy a shitload of googles. I'm sure you're thinking I'm crazy, but seriously, a shit load!!

4) We should make sure to avoid pornographic internets. 95% of all internet is used by gays to swing their socket wrench. And if I get associated with that, we're FUBAR'ed!

5) My 12 year-old great grandchild told me about something called "Face Space" that kids "connect" to. How many googles do you think that would run me? Could i pay in Amazons?

6) Let's announce a contest where $50 million would go to the first inventor to develop a more fuel-efficient google or yahoo? It would revolutionize the "interworld," if you will.

7) Lastly, if I soil (or befilth) my interpages, someone should tell me IMMEDIATELY. It would be a major gaffe if I show up to a press conference with a big fat google in my interwebs!

Let's get to it, boys! Keep in mind, I can fuck you up.
- JM