Today, the John McCain campaign released a statement complaining about what it terms the "American people's general bias toward Barack Obama." As a result of this violence, the campaign immediately demanded that the country start liking John McCain as much as it currently likes Barack Obama.
"Over the past few weeks, we have noticed a distressing national bias toward the Obama campaign," said a senior member of John McCain's staff. "According to one count, John McCain has not led in any of the last 44 national polls. While we typically expect an a bunch of elitists like the American people to be biased in favor of liberals, rarely do we see this bias to such an extreme degree. How can we expect to have a fair and balanced election when the American people so consistently favor a single candidate?"
The McCain campaign also complained about polls showing Obama with a statistically unquestionable lead in states worth 260 electoral votes, while McCain only held a similar lead in states worth 97 electoral votes. John McCain himself chimed in on this matter:
"If all those little jerks in America want to sit in the front of my complain plan, then they better stop holding such biased opinions."
Also, a new poll showing that Americans prefer a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq by a 2-1 margin particularly drew the ire of the McCain campaign, which cancelled McCain's availability to the country in response to the poll.
"If they want to gaze upon John McCain, the American people are going to have to earn it," McCain's communication director noted. "Specifically, they can attend one of the many finance receptions that make up the bulk of the Senator's campaign schedule."
The McCain campaign has also indicated that it plans to file a separate claim of bias against the rest of the world. France, in particular, drew the campaign's ire, since in that country McCain is less popular than the local perennial fascist candidate. |
