Happy Birthday, John McCain

by: Natasha Chart

Fri Aug 29, 2008 at 17:00

This year, John McCain wanted a vice presidential candidate for his birthday. He picked Gov. Sarah "Fluffy" Palin, who apparently doesn't know what she'd even do in the job she's now aspiring to:

Palin: "[A]s for that V.P. talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the V.P. does every day?

I hope McCain explained that one to her. 'Palin, it's like this. Your main job would be to spend a lot of time in an undisclosed location. It's a tradition we Republicans decided to institute post-Quayle, and definitely plan to continue post-Cheney. Also, no less important, your job is to keep me safe. For that one, you just need to be yourself. Funny thing, that's also a tradition we started with Quayle. During the campaign, your job will be to privately reassure Evangelicals and global warming deniers, while fulfilling the public role of token Republican woman who can more safely attack women's interests.'

Unfortunately, the weather has its own ideas. In addition to getting a running mate, another hurricane, Hurricane Gustav is bearing down on the Gulf Coast. Though it won't be here quite in time for his birthday, I'm sure it'll bring back a lot of memories. Like what McCain's good friend, John Hagee, said about Katrina

... in September, 2006. During an interview with NPR, he said the devastating storm "was, in fact, the judgment of God against ... New Orleans."

The city, he continued, "had a level of sin that was offensive to God" because "there was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came."

So, good times to be a Republican. I don't envy their base, though. Now they, too, can have a presidential candidate who's more publicly interested in appealing to improbable waverers from the other party than in their own constituency. What else could be up with Palin mentioning Hillary Clinton (whom Palin called "whining", via fladem) and Geraldine Ferraro, but not Elizabeth Dole, anyway?

Heckuva birthday present, Republicans. Think I'm going to have to go with desmoinesdem on this one, and count it a present for Democrats.