Like most of us, I'm experiencing a very weird cocktail of emotions: Excitement for a potential win tomorrow; fear of a potential loss; and preemptive disappointment that a win could mean an Obama presidency that doesn't seize the moment or that a loss could mean no moment at all.
I want to believe we're going to win tomorrow, and I want to believe that a win tomorrow will be the first step in true transformative change in this country - universal health care, new trade and energy policies, an end to the war in Iraq.
I really want to believe. In fact, I'm willing to believe, even though some polls show the race tightening, and even though some news organizations are already reporting that Obama is planning to staff his administration with some of the very same D.C. insiders who created many of these messes.
I'm willing to believe because I'm willing to believe America has changed from 2004 and is ready to vote for change. I'm willing to believe because based on my one in-depth discussion with Obama, and based on his conduct in this campaign, I believe in Obama the person. And I'm willing to believe because this campaign is less about Obama than about us - and that in involving us, Obama mave have helped construct a pressure system that will force him to represent the progressive agenda in office.
I believe. I do. I may hate myself later for letting myself believe - whether "later" is tomorrow night with a McCain win, or sometime in 2009 if an Obama administration starts trimming its sails. I may worry right now that believing is stupid, something I should have learned never to do.
But fuck it - I'm all in. I believe.